Aftermath
by Chocobo Watcher
Summary: Zack has a terrible nightmare in the aftermath of rape by Genesis, and Angeal must face his shattered trust. READ THE WARNINGS/NOTES. NO SEX!


**Warning: This story deals with rape aftermath issues.**

**Those of you who are easily upset may want to avoid this one, especially if reading emotionally charged writing triggers painful memories. **

Authors Note:

There has recently been a concern expressed about how rape is being taken too lightly in the FF fanfic community. As a result, I feel the time has come to publish this tale of mine. I had to write this. It came to me from the tongues of survivors, from those who know what the real face of evil is- it's NOT just a story. Make no mistake- the evil are strong at twisting trust away. Learning to live again when you have all but died is both wonderful and terrible. Zack wakes from a terrible dream that is so real it messes with his awakened mind, and it triggers a reaction. I'm leaving the bulk of the dream to the imagination. I'm not sure there will ever be a continuation beyond the ending point.

This story is dedicated to 14.

azazazazaz

"Aerith? Aerith is my **sister**?!!" Zack was horrified. "B-but that can only mean....." he looked at his lover in ultimate horror. "Yes, Zack. I cannot hide the truth from you any longer. I am your father."

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Zack screamed, awaking at last from the terrible ordeal in a cold sweat. "Pup, It's all right, I'm here. You were having a bad dream." "Get the **fuck** **away** from me!" Zack cried as he hurled himself off of the bed, out of the bedroom, and into small space that sufficed as a living room for Angeal. He frantically began to put his clothes on, then realized he was almost about to be sick. He staggered back in the other direction past Angeal, who, still naked, was attempting to slow him down on the way to the bathroom. Angeal had his hands rudely slapped away.

Zack slammed the door of the bathroom and locked it, then proceeded to fall to his knees in front of the toilet as he began to vomit. " Pup, open the door." "No! Leave me the hell alone! I mean, I'm all right. No, I'm not. I don't know- **FUCK**!" Zack choked as he hurled again, the image of Angeal **smiling** like that still fresh in his mind. Was it true? It seemed so real... Zack was now in the shower scrubbing the regurgitation off his chest. "Pup, either you open this door right now or I'm coming in there, and you know that will wake up the entire floor when the alarm goes off." Angeal was loud, but firm. Zack could hear the distress in his voice. Without knowing exactly why it was happening, he collapsed on the floor of the shower in tears.

"Genesis," Angeal thought. "Damn you. I knew this would come." Angeal could hear Zack sobbing through the door, mixed with sound of water and retching. He decided to change tactics. "Pup. whatever it was, it wasn't real. You know that I would never hurt you like that in the real world , right?". Zack shifted his body into a sitting position in the shower, and just let the water run over him. He didn't want to be anywhere right now, didn't want to be. He could still feel their soft hands on his...Zack leaned over and hurled again. He didn't want to be near anyone right now. Away from hands, touch, entrapment. All of it.

"How did you know that, you bastard?". Zack was breathing hard, trying not to be sick all over again. "Know what, pup?" " **Don't** call me that right now. I'm not yours, I'm not anyones. o.k? Where the fuck **were** you, Angeal? Where the fuck....". Zacks voice trailed off. Angeal moved to sit next to the door. At least Zack was talking through the door. Whether that was good or bad he didn't know, but he meant to listen all he could.

"Zack," Angeal said, "I'm sorry. Sorry that I wasn't there to protect you. I had no idea that Genesis would go so far. I promised you that I would be there, that you would never have to fear being alone. I failed, and there is no excuse for my failure. I swear I will never hurt you, Zack, ever. But right now I am frightened, because I am afraid you might try and hurt yourself. It wasn't your fault. Forgive me for my blindness in the face of old friends. It will never happen again, ever."

There were sounds of fresh sobs from behind the door. "You didn't answer the fucking question. I asked you how you knew how you hurt me just now in real life!" Zack practically screamed. He knew he was awake now. The problem was that he didn't know where exactly his dreaming had ended. "Just now in real-" Angeal was forced to stop and think for a minute. "Zack, that wasn't me, I **swear**. You were dreaming. Whatever I did, forgive me. Tell me, so I can kick my own ass." Angeal realized that sounded awful, but it was the best he could come up with.

"You're....not....my.....father. My father is a good man. He never hurt anyone. Why did you lie like that?" The words came through clenched teeth from behind the door. "No, Zack, I'm not your father. I know that." As the words escaped his lips Angeal realized he didn't know if his words were the right ones or not. " But I.....I......" Zack trailed off again into silence. "Zack?" Angeal asked quietly. " I'd like you to unlock the door. I promise you I won't come in. Can you trust me enough to do that? If you like, I'll even move away further. If you want, I can leave the apartment so that you can get out." "God, " Angeal thought to himself, "I sound like a fucking moron. His trust is clearly shot and I sound like I am setting him up for an ambush." He swore softly to himself. You're never prepared when it's someone you love.

Zack sat on the porcelain tile of the bathroom dripping on the floor. He had put his tee shirt back on and had found a towel big enough to wrap himself in. His skin was red and a little scabbed in places where he had scrubbed it. Part of him wanted to just curl up in a fetal position in the shower and never wake up again; another part was certain Angeal had called the men from the funny farm. A third part was still refusing to believe what he had heard, and what had really been.

Outside, Angeal moved away from the door. He made sure of not being quiet, so that Zack would hear him. When Zack hurled himself through space after opening the door, Angeal was knocked sideways from where he was sitting and pulled down with him. Wisely, Angeal didn't move. He allowed Zack to get up and run away to the living room. What had stopped him was the look in Zack's eyes. Those desperate eyes.

Zack had never run from Angeal before. But he couldn't keep the fear inside if he stayed where he was. He had never been so grateful to have his clothes; if he could just reach his own space he would be safe again. Mercifully, after managing to pull his pants back on he encountered no one on the way back. He ran like the wind, terrified that Angeal would catch him up and make him talk. Or worse, that someone- anyone- would spot him in his present state of mind.

Zack practically fell into his apartment. The tears had begun streaming down his face as soon as he left Angeals' building. Fast and at times hot, they blurred his vision. He found himself sobbing harder. It was all he could do to slam the door and lock it, including the emergency security bolt. Zack knew it would produce an inquiry later, but he didn't care.

The moment he knew he was alone Zack got out of his clothes. The red light on his videophone was blinking loudly but he ignored it. For the love of Gaia, he did not fucking want to talk to anyone, not even Angeal. Especially Angeal. Everything was wrong. He had meant to be a hero, but what kind of hero fails to escape his captors?

A memory of the smug face of Genesis, the feel of the bonds, caused him to collapse again in the shower. There was nothing left inside for him to vomit, so he sat in the warm water that gushed down over him. He was unaware of just how long he sat. Once the pipes started to bang Zack toweled himself off , entered the bedroom and collapsed on his bed.

Moogie and Chockie were on the bed, of course. Zack curled up under the blankets hugging the two of them for dear life. It had been a very long time since he felt so small and lost. They had been his friends when there were no real human friends and- that thought brought him to tears yet again. He wanted his mother. Wondered what his father might do or say if he ever found out. His world was crumbling fast and he didn't know where to turn.

azazazazazaazaz


End file.
